Movies Watched In 2009

I did watch more movies than this, but here's a list of what I saw for the first time.

1. Appaloosa- 3 Stars
Review- Basically, it's the same western film that's been produced over the last 40-50 years. The most believeable aspects of the movie were that Jeremy Irons makes a good bad guy and Viggo Mortensen is a great good guy. But the whole premise that two "peacekeepers" come into a town just as a marshal and his deputies were murdered, as well as one of the city officials and his wife, and clean things up under their own version of law and order is a bit cliche. The shoot outs were marginal, with a few exceptions. The first time Ed Harris and Viggo confront some of Jeremy Iron's men in the bar, that scene was nice. But as soon as Rene Zelwegger shows up, the storyline is doomed. Her character was predictable and there's no way a man who's seen as much drama and life as Ed Harris' was supposed to have experienced, wouldn't see the nightmare of a woman Zelwegger was from a mile away is simply unbelieveable. Take her out of the story and figure out a different way for the two heroes to have a shootout with two other great gunslingers later in the film, and they would have had a better story, and subsequently more stars in this rating.









2. Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist-3.5 Stars
Review- It would have been 4 stars had there not been 2 scenes that were unneccessary and disgusting. When Nora's friend (her name escapes me and has no real meaning in the overall storyarc) gets wasted, pukes her guts out in a nasty bathroom and loses her gum in the toilet, only to fish it out and chew it again, that was beyond sick. And the fact that Nick never would have had a chance with the slutty chick who dumped him at the beginning and that he's hung up on the whole film, it just didn't make much sense. The music in the film is great, and the nice guy wins in the end are good plotpoints. But somehow the parents of these kids either don't know or don't care that their kids are roaming all over NYC all night long. Seriously, is that not a story point?








3. Taken-5 Stars
Review- Lesson #1-Don't ever screw with Liam Neeson. Lesson #2-If you break Lesson #1, expect very bad things to happen to you. If you get anything else from a "life lessons" element from this movie, you're an extremely enlightened person. Other than maybe, don't ever let your children travel to Paris. That doesn't take a genius to figure out. That's what I got out of this movie. I also got 2 hours of the coolest fight scenes, great story, and hero wins plot. I didn't give away anything with that last line. If you thought you were going to watch Liam Neeson track down the people who kidnapped his daughter and not actually enact his revenge, you're disconnected from reality. Yes, Neeson wins. And you cheer him on the whole way. He's cut-throat in his methods and will do whatever is necessary to accomplish his objective. The only thing I didn't like in this film was how stupid his daughter was, and how seemingly unchanged she was at the end, along with his ex-wife played by Femke Jansen. But they played their roles well for what they were given. I'd encourage our political leaders to view this movie as the real way to confront and deal with nations who disregard our value of human life, and to treat them in the same manner. Maybe that would improve our reputation in the international community. Maybe if Iran, North Korea or the Taiban thought, "Under no circumstance should we ever screw with the USA," they wouldn't be such problems for us.







4. Quantum of Solace-5 Stars
Review-Was there ever a Bond as bad-ass as Daniel Craig? The answer is no. It doesn't matter if you're a fan of Connery, Moore, Dalton, or Brosnan, no one encapsulated the bad-ass qualities of England's 007 like Daniel Craig. I personally thought Brosnan was the worst. He only captured the womanizer aspect of Bond, and only marginally. I watched a few of the classic Roger Moore and Sean Connery ones a few months ago, and the fight scenes move so slow, maybe that's just the way dudes fought back then, but the bad guys would have lasted all of 10 minutes combined against Daniel Craig. That point is made, on with the review. The film gets going with a bang, actually one of the coolest chase scenes ever, where Bond's Aston Martin actually gets banged up pretty bad. I'd love to see how they shot that scene. Of course there's some cool chase scenes on foot and the action is nonstop. It's a cool revenge story and you see that there's more method to Bond's madness than just beating the living crap out of the people he's looking for, or ever killing them, although he does a lot of both. All in all, not quite as good as Casino Royale, but pretty darn close.







5. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian-3 Stars
Review- Decent sequel, but too different from the book to be remarkable. The guy who played Prince Caspian got annoying after a while. The CGI characters were decent but overdone. Maybe that's all you can do when you're trying to have badgers, centaurs and other mythical creatures as feature characters, but I remember Jim Hennson and Frank Oz doing better with puppets. Hopefully the next in the series will stick to the book series, that's where the best results will come from.







6. Bee Movie-4 Stars
Review- A cute, funny, and intriguing story that mixes great with Seinfeld's humor. Loved the story, and even the ridiculousness of a bee and a woman having a pseudo-romantic relationship and even the really hokey part about a bee suing humans over honey rights. In a kids movie, anything goes and it sure did here, but it was all well done with a lot of class. Great family viewing or a good Friday date flick.










7. Bottle Shock- 2.5 Stars
Review- I picked this up at the library because it had Alan Rickman in it. It also has the guy that payed Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek film (don't know his name). The storyline was decent enough about a few wineries in California competing with the respected French wineries in a contest in the 1970s. Too bad the lead girl is a tramp and doesn't seem as all-American as they try to make her out to be. You know the end way before it happens, and you suspect the pothead kid with no future and no ambition will change his perspective by the end of the movie. Of course he does. Everyone wins, but it's not dramatic and doesn't invite you in to celebrate with the characters. Instead, the credits roll and you say, well that's 2 hours I can't get back. Guess it's time for bed, or something else.






8. My Super Ex-Girlfriend- 2.5 Stars
Review- I wanted to see this in theaters because I'm a comic book nerd and it looked cute. Good thing I waited until I could borrow it from a friend. The storyline seemed interesting enough- a guy struggles to keep his sanity while dealing with an ex girlfriend who happens to be a super hero. The stuff they pulled from the Superman storyline and history are borderline criminal, along with how Uma Thurman's character (Jenny) gets her powers, her arch-nemsis, her powers and so forth. It's cookie-cutter from Superman and Smallville. What really sucked about the story was the assumption that Luke Wilson was the first guy to date G-Girl, or that he was the only one who didn't end his relationship with her, or that he was the only one who had dated her and ended the relationship that she hadn't gone Fatal Attraction on and either lived to tell the tale or not told the press about it. Jenny is crazy, and I don't know how anyone would consider a second date with this chick. But maybe that's supposed to be the point. And the more Anna Ferris' character tries to be attracted to Owens, the worse it gets. It was funny to watch Ferris and Thurman fight, but the end was way too cheesy and stupid. But I guess that's what you get when you have unoriginal material.






9. The Bucket List-4.5 out of 5 Stars
Review-This was a shocker, not in story but in what I expected to watch versus what I actually saw. From Jack Nicholson, I didn't expect to be near tears at the end, nor did I anticipate that I would enjoy his character. Both of those things happened and this movie was well worth the time and emotional energy. Morgan Freeman never disappoints, and the whole story of 2 cancer fighters from both ends of the socio-economic spectrum coming together to discover what's really important in this life is a must see for everyone.









10. 17 Again- 4.5 Stars
Didn't know what to expect, but this was a great film. Zac Efron is a great actor and the storyline and plot were superb. Didn't fall to the old cliches of movies of this sort and has a happy ending. Good fun.
















11. Madea Goes To Jail- 4 Stars
This was funny, but could have been much more. Didn't like the end, mostly because there's no way things turn out that way and everyone is happy. Wanted to see Madea beat more people. But dropping the lady's car from the construction equipment was classic fun.













12. Gran Torino-4 Stars
This was a great movie with a poignant ending and great storytelling. It wasn't hard to believe that an 80 year old Eastwood could still hold his own against some street gang kids. It was great seeing how his character transformed into a likeable guy and learned how to break his own prejedices, and accept his neighbors as family. Great movie about love and sacrifice, but probably so brutal it would be hard to watch again.










13. Over Her Dead Body-3 Stars
This was a pretty hokey movie about a fiance that's killed on her wedding day and returns from the dead with a mission, only she doesn't know what that is because she wouldn't shut her mouth while the "angel" was trying to give her instructions. So she assumes that her mission is to protect her former fiance from falling in love again. So as he starts dating a psychic, the dead fiance starts playing mindgames with the new girlfriend. Predictable ending and storyline. The only redeeming thing in this whole movie were the sparse comedic moments throughout. Worth watching if you have 2 hours to kill and nothing else to do.







14. Maid of Honor- 2 Stars
This only made 2 stars because of the funny moments where Patrick Dempsey looks like a jack-ass. There's way too many so-called romantic comedies out there where a best friend is invited to be a part of the wedding only to realize their true love is the best friend getting married. Thus, they begin this plot to change the mind of the to-be married and ruin the wedding. The storyline always follows the clueless one who's just discovered that this person is "meant" for them at the expense of the hearts and lives of the other party, who is forgotten about as quickly as the wedding is ruined. Piece of crap. This only worked for Patrick Dempsey in Enchanted, but that ended well for all the characters in the film, not just the main ones.







15. Junebug-1.5 Stars
What the hell was this movie about? The characters are all struggling to figure out who they are and what they want. Amy Adams was the best thing in this film, and I felt sorry for her that she was put with such a lacking story. Each character is longing for connection with someone, and they all settle for crumbs instead of the full meal. And the art that the main character is so crazy about is digusting and disturbing. Waste of movie and waste of time.











16. Twilight-3.5 Stars
A decent flick. I guess I see why the kids are all hyped on it. But the main vampire Edward acted way too much like a juvenile to be a guy that's hundreds of years old. Maybe it's because he's trying to woo a teenage girl. I don't know. There's a lot of poor acting in the film, but the main characters do a good job. Strangely, I actually want to see the sequel to see if it lives up to the hype.

Books I Read in 2009 (Continued)

Continuation of the books I read in 2009.



"Tribes" by Seth Godin- 5 Stars
This is the handbook for how business is changing, as well as leadership in the future. We're all in tribes following someone, and these tribes are calling out for leaders. Read it.











"Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto" by Mark Levin- 5 Stars
This book puts into clarity everything the Conservative believes about all the issues and highlights the distinction between the founding fathers' and the statists' views, and how our country has been and is being changed into something it was never intended to be. Suggested reading for every American, regardless of your political viewpoints as the facts and details of beliefs are laid out plainly as opposed to how the media portrays things.





"A Cast of Characters" by Max Lucado- 4.5 Stars
This is a compilation of short writings from Max Lucado about main and minor characters of the Bible and key modern takes on elements of their stories. While I didn't get much out of some of the stories, there were several that will continue to cause me to think differently about God, life, and my purpose from here on out.







"Rules of Thumb" by Alan Weber- 5 Stars
52 great principles to live by and operate any business from. From the co-founder of the awesome business magazine Fast Company, Alan's perspectives and proverbs are quintessential to growth and prosperity in any economic time period.







"Joker" by Brian Azarello and Lee Bermejo- 5 Stars
I forgot I read this. It's a Brian Azarello/Lee Bermejo graphic novel that's all about the Joker. Somehow Joker gets released from Arkham legally and goes out to reclaim his territory. It's told from the perspective of a low-level thief who wants to make a name for himself, so he agrees to pick up Joker from Arkham and becomes his right hand man. It's a great story and you see the wickedness of the Joker and his whole ideals towards life and people. Batman makes a brief appearance at the end and it comes at the most perfect time. Very realistic in story and the art is killer, no pun intended.





"Sex God" by Rob Bell-5 Stars
The book plays on the premise that sexuality is so connected to faith and spirituality that we need to understand how "this is really about that." I didn't know what to expect about the subject matter, but Bell is such an amazing author and contemporary, I knew it would be a good read. I was wrong. It was a great read. He takes so many Jewish cultural ideas and symbols told throughout scripture and puts it in context. The whole teaching of Jesus about how His Father's house has many rooms not only makes sense now, it means more than just a big house in heaven. Great read!






"Jesus Wants To Save Christians" by Rob Bell- 5 Stars
I forgot that I read this before Sex God. It was from this book that I wanted to put all of Bell's books in my library. Some of it might seem controversial for people who enjoy American military strength, but for open-minded individuals who want to hear God's voice in these times, and our role in it, this is the stuff you want.







"The Road" by Cormac McCarthy-5 Stars
One of the best pieces of fiction I've ever read. He has a very unique style, one that probably would have made me fail English in grade school if I'd tried to write that way. The story is a post-apocalyptic world where a man and his feeble son are trying to travel south to the coast, all the while trying to find food, avoid other people, and protect themselves against the elements. I had hoped that the ending wouldn't be without resolve like a lot of stories do. Fortunately, it ended in the best way it could.











"No Country For Old Men" by Cormac McCarthy-5 Stars
I was hooked on McCarthy after The Road, so I picked this one up. I'd already seen the movie, which helped me understand that breakdown of the story, and actually made the movie more appealing. I'll definitely have to watch it again. The characters are so well written, and the storyline is so unique it doesn't fit descriptions or reviews. Part western, part crime drama. It's a great story about an older generation seeing the future and recognizing that there is no easy cure for the disease of evil, nor an easy way to combat the new breed of criminals on the horizon.








"The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold-5 Stars
I'd wanted to read this book for about 2 years. It was on the NY Times best seller list for about a year and a half at the top spot. Recently I read they were making a movie about it, so I decided to read it before the film came out. It's a story about a young girl who is killed by a neighbor and she watches from her heaven and tries to help her family move on, and still find her killer. The story is less about vengeance as it is love. Great story, I hope the movie is just as good.






"Mr. T The Man With The Gold" by Mr. T-5 Stars
It's the autobiography of one of my childhood heroes. I almost bought this a few years ago on ebay. But I found it at a Half-Priced bookstore in Houston. Man, Mr. T is the real deal. I knew he was tough, but reading his story and all that he's overcome is really remarkable. Without giving too much away, it's easy to see how he was cast in Rocky3. He even said it was easy to get the part because he'd been Clubber Lang his whole life. His book came out in 1984 and a lot has happened since then, but still a great read.

2009 Book and Movies Review

I put this together originally in a Google doc to keep track with what all I was reading and watching. I did watch more movies than this, but these were the ones I had not previously seen. The books were all read between Jan 1st and December 14th of 2009.
Enjoy!

5 Star rating system

Part 1

Books:

"The Giver" by Lois Lowry - 5 Stars
One of the best children's novels ever. If you haven't read it, do it and do it now. It's also a really great piece about making everyone the same, which is what our political leaders are trying to do to our culture.









"Trump 101: Keys to Success" by Donald Trump- 4 Stars
Great ideas from one of the most successful Americans in the last 100 years. Gets a little redundant but stays consistent and to the point.








"Bo Knows Bo" by Bo Jackson- 5 Stars
One of my childhood heroes. Didn't know the obstacles and family struggles he over came to become the icon he is. Great read.









"The Breakthrough Company" by Keith Mcfarland- 5 Stars
Find out what makes some companies do well in business, and others to dominate in their industry. Lessons can be used for any industry. Recommended reading for any manager, owner, leader or worker.










"The Watchmen" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons-4 Stars
Great graphic novel. Gritty, intense, and adult.










"Sincerely, Ronald Reagan" (1st half of) by Ronald Reagan-3 Stars
Since it's a collection of letters and articles Reagan wrote prior to his presidency, it doesn't capture the whole man. Recommended reading-Reagan's Autobiography.

Lessons in Boxing

I started boxing in November 2008. It wasn't a dare or a quarter-life crisis. Rather, I've always wanted to learn how to box. One of my favorite movies growing up was the Rocky series. Something about a man who was never really given a chance at anything or taken seriously by his peers overcoming the greatest challenge ever presented to him is something that always appealed to me for obvious reasons. In 2008, I watched Rocky Balboa and decided I would put something to this dream. I went out and bought a free standing punching bag and tried to work out with it. Eventually, due to lack of guidance, the punching bag became another fixture in my garage that got little use.
One day in November '08, I went across the street to my neighbor's house to chat. Somewhere in our conversation, I mentioned that I'd always wanted to box. My neighbor Lee kept asking me why I wasn't doing it and said he wanted to do it too. He said if I did it, he'd do it. So I agreed to look up some options and get back to him.
A week later, Lee and I found ourselves at the Abilene Boxing Club, checking out how the gym worked and whether we'd actually do this. I had talked to the head of the club, Coach Rivas on the phone for about 30 minutes. He had talked about what amateur boxing was, how long he'd been coaching, his principles on boxing and how he'd work us at a pace we could handle and not throw us into anything too quickly. The other club I called didn't seem too interested in us being there and didn't have a lot to say about the sport itself. Rivas really impressed me with taking the time to clarify things and seeming to actually want us to be apart of it all.
The exercises they were doing to warm up seemed unusual. The only thing I recognized were the stretches and pushups. But everyone seemed to get along pretty well and the teaching by Coach Rivas wasn't restricted to just boxing. I found him talking a lot about life and how boxing is a great picture of what life is like with overcoming challenges.
Lee and I started at the gym shortly after. It took me a while to get adjusted to what real boxing was. I moved really slowly. I had no rhythm in my movements or my punches. I would move to one side, wait and then throw a weak jab followed by the hardest right hand I could muster. It was all really weak. Coach would get on me about moving so slow and not having a good jab. He kept trying to show me the importance of being quicker. Finally after many months, it started clicking. I got faster, stronger and began to understand the mentality of boxing and how to fight.
Lee stopped coming with me in April, but through the summer I continued attending two to three times a week. In the summer, I sparred for the first time against Rudy Castillo, a 13 year old with 9 amateur fights to his credit. He tore me up. I thought I would be able to keep up with him but as we were fighting, I ended up thinking too much about what I should be doing instead of responding to what he did. He ended up hitting me way more than I got close to him. My neck and nose were sore for the next few days. Coach said he had been nervous about sparring me because he didn't understand why I was doing this and didn't want me to quit. I wanted to tell him that quitting isn't in my vocabulary. But I know he hears people say stuff like that all the time and I don't want to be another voice that says something. So I'll let my actions speak for themselves.
Last week, I had this idea of doing an NPR like journal of my experience as a white collar worker who boxes at a local gym and talk more about Coach Rivas and the lessons he's providing for the guys and girls in our gym and his philosophies on life, boxing, and how the two are linked.
One big lesson last week had to do with distance. Coach said the main thing in boxing is distance and keeping a healthy distance between you and the other fighter. When your opponent comes in, create distance by moving away and still throw while you do that. Don't stay in front of your opponent. We learned how to turn the opponent by stepping out with a shot up the middle and turning at a 90 degree angle and coming over the top with a cross or hook. Coach said we should always be the instigator, always create an action that causes a reaction and we are to react to that action. We always have to be first and last. This controls the tempo of the fight and puts the control of it in our hands. We must control the fight, and not let someone else decide the tempo.
Last week Coach also talked about faith. He said that he has faith in God, and for him, that faith has led to a better life for him and his family. He said God wants us to succeed, but He won't keep us from challenges. We have to decide how we're going to face challenges, but we have to do away with fear and doubt. If we trust God and let him deal with our fears, we'll succeed. It was good to hear Coach talk about faith. He doesn't preach at us, and he doesn't Bible thump anyone. I think that gets through to people better because he's more real in his presentation. It's a more honorable way to bring convictions and faith to the table then other forms I've seen in my experiences.

2009 So Far

It's February and already things are going so much better than all of last year. I guess I've lumped 2007 and 2008 together. Those were tough years for both Leilani and myself. Aside from Sugar's death and the stuff with job uncertainty, we realized we had a lot of baggage from church and stuff to deal with. Not fun.

So anyways, 2009. Already this year, I'm in the best physical shape of my life thanks to Coach Rivas and the guys at Abilene Boxing Club. Three times I week, those guys kick me into shape with 2 hours of exercises and bag drills. Some days I don't look forward to it but I know I've never been this strong, this toned, and feel this good.

Also, after nearly 6 years of hosting and producing my radio show, The Appetizer, I had my first encounter with good press. As I blogged on myspace, a gentleman with the Dallas Morning News was passing through Abilene in December and happened to be listening to KACU and happened to be tuned in to The Appetizer. We were playing a unique and rising star out of NYC named Lindsay Katt. The writer fell in love with her music, got back to Dallas and wrote up an article about Lindsay and made several references to KACU and our programming, and how it kills commercial radio. Lindsay forwarded the article to me, I contacted the writer and thanked him for the good press. I also asked if he'd be interested in doing an article on the show, figuring the worst he could do is say no. Instead, he was excited about it and we talked later that week, the article was written and published hours later.

The result of that has been interesting. People that never heard of me or the show have been writing and noticing. At the same time, people who have acted like I don't live in the universe that they do suddenly acknowledge the show (not necessarily me). My pride has had a hard time coping with that. It's kind of like when Mickey approaches Rocky in the first film after Balboa has been offered a chance to fight the champion. In some way, he likes the attention, but he also realizes that he's been working really hard for a long time and it seemed no one noticed until he is offered to fight Creed. Part of me feels that way.

Leilani and I took a proactive step towards coming to peace with the wounds and hurts from our last church, drama and issues that have plagued us much longer than need be. We went to a counselor last week and she helped us see some things within ourselves that we didn't know were there. I started realizing earlier in the week how I have an emotional need for approval from men that I admire. I didn't realize how deep that was, but understanding how I had really admired our pastor and wanted him to view me as someone with leadership potential and he didn't it crushed my spirit and my ability to trust him as a leader. It was like being abandoned by a father, which was what I considered him to be in a way. Praying through that was really powerful. I felt a lot better about myself and know I can move forward easier.

There's other positives to talk about. I fall more and more in love with my wife every day. We get on each other's nerves sometimes, but at the end of the day, and the start of the new one, I'm more thankful than the day before for the woman God set aside as the one for me.

Sugar's Last Dance

It was a hard fight, and he did put up a great one, but it ended last night at about 10:30. Leilani and I went out to eat for her birthday and came home not expecting what we found. Our sweet little Sugar, who had been perky and had been eating solid food for a few days, was meowing frantically and seemed to be paralyzed from the waist down. He was crying out to us and when we found him under the bed, we discovered that he couldn't use his back legs. It really caught us off-guard. We didn't know what to do so we called the Emergency Vet and brought him in. We knew he was in a lot of pain, and probably panic too. We held his little paws and said goodbye as the doctor gave him the last bit of medicine to take away his pain.

I didn't think this would be something that would be difficult. On top of the grieving process, I'm now faced with the reality of life. I recognize that my attitude toward people who've been through this wasn't the sympathetic, condoling one that people in this boat need. And I'm repentant of that. I used to think "It's just a cat," when friends would experience the loss of a feline companion. I was never much of a cat person, that is until about 8 months ago.

We got Sugar off the streets on Easter Sunday. We treated him like an Easter gift. It took me a little while to get used to a cat. I had a dog growing up and could easily understand what he wanted, needed, etc. The cat was totally different. He would meow a lot, and I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I'd give him food and he'd eat a little and then come and meow some more. He was always talking to me. In the mornings, he'd follow me into the bathroom and say good morning in his own little purs and meows. He'd follow me in to the guest room (where my closet is; the place I get dressed). He'd seemingly approve of what I picked out to wear to work. When I came home, he met me at the door with more meows, as if to say "Glad to have you home."

He followed me around wherever I went, like a dog. I used to joke with Leilani that he was a dog trapped in a cat's body because he did things like a dog. He never had a good sense of balance, like cats are supposed to have. He would jump up on the bed and stay on the edge, grasping to the blankets so he wouldn't slip off. He slipped off a lot. There was always something he was falling off of or nearly doing so.

He would do this thing with his paws where he'd spread his little toes out and in and move his paw slightly up and down at the same time. We called it bee-bopping. He also like to bat at anything that would dangle in front of him, as if he were boxing. That's where we got his name. It fully was Sugar Ray Leonard, like the boxer from the 1980s. We eventually just called him Sugar, and then Sugar-Booger. Later, I just called him Booger-boo. He became my little buddy. I learned how to play with a cat, which really isn't as unlike playing with a dog as I thought.



I adjusted to his kitten-growing stages of being constantly hyper and seemingly driving me crazy. It was hard after a long day at work to come home to a little animal that wanted to run all over the place and play. It took a while, but I got used to it. In the summer, Leilani took a trip home to visit her family. That left me with Sugar for a little over a week. I hadn't completely gotten used to him at that point. There were some tough times when it seemed like he was trying to push my buttons. But after a few days, we bonded. So when Leilani came back home, it wasn't that I owned a cat. Sugar was my buddy.

A few weeks later, we took another little kitty off the streets. She bonded well with Sugar right away. For the next few weeks they played a lot and seemed to be good for each other. But it started to seem like he didn't want to play with her after a few weeks. She would play fight with him and she'd win, a kitten out-matched in size and strength. We couldn't figure it. Then Sugar stopped eating his breakfast and dinner. He started isolating himself away from everyone and staying alone. It was completely unlike himself to be alone. He was the little guy that had to be apart of whatever it was you were doing.

Finally, I took him to the vet. After they tested his blood, the vet said he had kitty-leukemia and it was untreatable. You can read the previous entry to see how that day went. We started talking to other people who said not to give up, so we prayed and hoped he'd pull through. Last week, he started eating solid food from Fancy Feast again. Before that, we were trying to feed him kitty-milk twice a day. He resisted that, but we had to get nourishment in him somehow. With him eating solid food and drinking water again, I thought those were signs that he was pulling through and had been healed.

Yesterday, he wouldn't eat anything, no matter the variety of stuff I put in front of him. He did drink a lot of water. That was good. The days prior, he had not responded well to Leilani, leading her to think that he didn't like her anymore. But yesterday, he was her partner. He curled up next to her while she napped, purring all the while. He spent some time in the backyard in his favorite spot, sat in his window in the kitchen. He purred more yesterday than he had in several weeks. I thought it was an answer to prayer. When we left the house at 6 to celebrate Leilani's birthday, I didn't think anything of how he would be when we got home.

You never know sometimes. I guess I could be angry at God, since we did so much prayer and believing and hoping and trusting. That's hard to understand, why things don't go the way you want regardless of how you approach it. But if this was the way it had to be, he left us in the best way he could. We got 2 more weeks with him, he showed us love and gave us joy for a little while longer. He waited until it was the right time to let us know that he needed to go. We were able to say goodbye on our terms. His memory will live on, but it still hasn't really become a reality to me. I woke up this morning missing holding him like a baby. His fur always had this really pleasant scent. I won't get to experience that again.

My grandfather died of leukemia. My last moments with him were pleasant and peaceful, but I didn't know at the time they were the last moments I had with him. He seemed perfectly fine. I know it's a difference between my human grand-dad and my cat, but the same debilitating disease took the LIVES of two beings that were close to my heart. I can't have them back. I had peace when Pop died in that I knew he wouldn't live in anymore pain. I feel the same way about Sugar. But I didn't allow myself to really miss Pop until years later. I hope I allow myself to really grieve this time and be at peace with myself. I hope Leilani has that peace too.

We are planting an herb garden in the backyard, something we've been planing for a while. We're burying Sugar in the spot where the herb garden will soon be. We're calling it the Sugar Patch, in tribute to our little buddy and kitty. He used to have to be wherever we were, supervising whatever we did, be it putting in new tiles in the bathroom, doing dishes, or cleaning up. We called him "the Foreman." Now he'll supervise all the wonderful herbs and plants in his favorite spot in the backyard, and be our buddy while we spend time together cultivating new life.

It's Just a Cliched Loss

I'm guilty of the same thing that I will complain about people saying to me in the weeks to come. "Oh, it's just a cat." You're right, it or rather he is just a cat. I'm just a man, and we're just people living in a world that places worth in lives, be it animal, plant or human. So the fact that at 8:30 this morning, the veterinarian said that my first-born cat, Sugar, has advanced stage kitty-cancer and is untreatable. I asked what we could do and he said we could either let him die at home or have him euthanized. I wasn't expecting this news.


Sugar started acting strange about 2 weeks ago. We took in a kitten off the streets and the two became quick friends. They would play around the house, wrestle and so forth. But it seems like he would either lose interest in playing or give up fighting with her too soon. We thought maybe he had become depressed (which cats actually do, come to find out) after we brought the kitten in. Also, since he's nearly a year old and she's a only a few months old and she's beating him in play-fights, his pride was down, contributing to cat-depression. But last week, he stopped eating and has become really skinny. He also stopped drinking water, began isolating himself away from everyone, and just not acting like the warm little guy that wanted to be near us all the time.

I thought maybe he had worms. Cats get those, they affect how cats eat and cause them to lose weight. We'll take him to the vet, get some meds and be good to go. Not this time, Dave. I managed to stay strong, if that's even what you call it, by not shedding any tears in the doctor's office. I got out to the car, called my wife who was about to go teach children, and told her the news. She couldn't handle it, and now I could not either. I sat in the car, the cat in the kinnel next to me and my wife on the phone and sobbed. He is our first pet, the animal that changed my heart towards felines. I was always a dog person, and never wanted cats. It took a little while, but we warmed to each other, and since he's been my wee kitty-friend. And knowing that in 2 weeks, we were going to celebrate his 1st birthday, makes it harder still.

I don't know how much time he has left, we're still figuring that out. But I gained some perspective on what it's really like to experience loss of something that is alive, but dying on the inside and I experience this emotional death too. Sugar has been apart of our household for the better part of this year. I don't want to think about him not being around. He's a cat, but he's not just a cat. He's part of our little family.

I hope this experience does more than make us cry for a while. I hope it leads us to cherish life, in whatever form it takes, more than we do. I hope it leads us to appreciate the times we have with the creatures God blesses us with, and the interactions He blesses us with. And I hope that I'll dump the cliche that plays in my head, "Oh it's just a cat. It's not that big of a deal." I can't help but admit that I've thought that before towards people who've experienced the loss of their pet. I hope I never feel that way again, after having travelled down the road in those shoes, loss cries out for comfort and solace and the hope that being better and blessed are on the horizon. I hope Sugar has that to go home to, wherever that may be.