I'm guilty of the same thing that I will complain about people saying to me in the weeks to come. "Oh, it's just a cat." You're right, it or rather he is just a cat. I'm just a man, and we're just people living in a world that places worth in lives, be it animal, plant or human. So the fact that at 8:30 this morning, the veterinarian said that my first-born cat, Sugar, has advanced stage kitty-cancer and is untreatable. I asked what we could do and he said we could either let him die at home or have him euthanized. I wasn't expecting this news.
Sugar started acting strange about 2 weeks ago. We took in a kitten off the streets and the two became quick friends. They would play around the house, wrestle and so forth. But it seems like he would either lose interest in playing or give up fighting with her too soon. We thought maybe he had become depressed (which cats actually do, come to find out) after we brought the kitten in. Also, since he's nearly a year old and she's a only a few months old and she's beating him in play-fights, his pride was down, contributing to cat-depression. But last week, he stopped eating and has become really skinny. He also stopped drinking water, began isolating himself away from everyone, and just not acting like the warm little guy that wanted to be near us all the time.
I thought maybe he had worms. Cats get those, they affect how cats eat and cause them to lose weight. We'll take him to the vet, get some meds and be good to go. Not this time, Dave. I managed to stay strong, if that's even what you call it, by not shedding any tears in the doctor's office. I got out to the car, called my wife who was about to go teach children, and told her the news. She couldn't handle it, and now I could not either. I sat in the car, the cat in the kinnel next to me and my wife on the phone and sobbed. He is our first pet, the animal that changed my heart towards felines. I was always a dog person, and never wanted cats. It took a little while, but we warmed to each other, and since he's been my wee kitty-friend. And knowing that in 2 weeks, we were going to celebrate his 1st birthday, makes it harder still.
I don't know how much time he has left, we're still figuring that out. But I gained some perspective on what it's really like to experience loss of something that is alive, but dying on the inside and I experience this emotional death too. Sugar has been apart of our household for the better part of this year. I don't want to think about him not being around. He's a cat, but he's not just a cat. He's part of our little family.
I hope this experience does more than make us cry for a while. I hope it leads us to cherish life, in whatever form it takes, more than we do. I hope it leads us to appreciate the times we have with the creatures God blesses us with, and the interactions He blesses us with. And I hope that I'll dump the cliche that plays in my head, "Oh it's just a cat. It's not that big of a deal." I can't help but admit that I've thought that before towards people who've experienced the loss of their pet. I hope I never feel that way again, after having travelled down the road in those shoes, loss cries out for comfort and solace and the hope that being better and blessed are on the horizon. I hope Sugar has that to go home to, wherever that may be.
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