Disappointing Year

At least in sports. My Chicago Bears threw their playoff chances down the drain for the last time last Thursday, losing to the Redskins. And let's not forget about earlier this year when they gave up against the Colts in the biggest game in football, the Super Bowl. That was sad.

It's been a disappointing year in sports for me, the teams or contenders I pull for let me down. I'm somewhat of a boxing fan. I don't know all the contenders, but I was well-aware of the welterweight title fight this weekend where Pretty-Boy Floyd Mayweather, Jr., the self-proclaimed greatest boxer of all-time fought humble and hard-working Ricky Hatton from England. I watched a special on both fighters and was really impressed with Hatton, and grew more disdain for the braggardness of Mayweather. It looked like a real life Rocky Balboa-Apollo Creed Fight. I wanted so much to see it live. I didn't. I rushed to find out who won when I came in to work today, confident that Hatton had unseated the prideful champ. I was wrong. Actually, Mayweather might have proven that he is the greatest, knocking out Hatton in the 10th.

It was bad enough that those freakin' annoying San Antonio Spurs won another NBA title over the summer, but are all my picks going to shrivel up and die? I hate the Dallas Cowboys, but I fear they may be the best team in the NFC. I'm praying the Packers can top them. At least I don't have to worry about my bane Cowboys winning the Super Bowl. They've already proven not up to shuff against the Pats, who are destined for it this year.

I can't wait until 2008. 2007 has shown that is not the year of completion, not in a good way. It's been a complete let-down. Only 21 days left.

Lessons Learned From A Sweet Dog

Sunday night we went to our neighbor's house. She had a little dog that was staying with her. The dog's name was Willie. Apparently he'd lived with an elderly couple for a while, but the couple couldn't keep him and their other pets, so they gave him to a friend. The friend kept him for a few weeks, but had to hand him to someone else. That someone else was our neighbor next door, Stephanie, who had Willie for only a few days.
When we walked in the door, his little ears perked up and he ran to me. Stephanie was surprised. She said that he hadn't shown any signs of life since he'd been with her, which had concerned her. She thought he would die of a broken heart. But he was happy and excited with us. Was it because we were company? Was it because we fit with him? None of us knew. But Stephanie asked if we wanted a dog. I did! I've missed having my little buddy Pepe (or Bubba as I called him) when I was a kid. And he thought of having a little guy at home to come home to, to protect the house, to play with and take for walks all seemed like a great idea. Leilani was a little more skeptical about it. She's more of a cat person, but knows of my affinity for dogs. We told Stephanie we'd sleep on the idea and get back to her. We both played with the dog in the floor for a bit more and then went home.
We prayed about it when we got home. Why would we do that? We wanted to make sure that this was a right decision. From my end, I only spent time thinking of the benefits of dog ownership and the things I missed having with my old dog (rest his soul). I really hadn't thought of other considerations with the idea. Leilani on the other hand was. Her concerns were more on the responsibilities involved, the early mornings to take him out, always making sure he was taken care of during the day and so forth. But she was willing to let me have a dog.
Monday we notified Stephanie that we'd take Willie, so we picked him up after work. Stephanie told us if this didn't work, for any reason, to just bring him back. I said ok. I had picked up a little doggy bed and some food for small dogs (he's a Shitzu) on my way home. We played with him in the living room and let him roam around and get a feel for the place. But shortly after that, Stephanie dog sat for us while we went to a work Christmas party.
Later that night we came back and picked him up. We played some more and I walked him out in the back, brought him back in and tried to clean the little burs out of his coat. We pet him and watched some tv, and then made our way to bed. As a kid, our dog slept in the kitchen. He didn't like it at first, but he got used to it. I had forgotten about the transition we made when we first got him, and thus forgot that Willie had experienced many transitions in only a matter of weeks. Needless to say, he was not his usual calm self when we put him in the kitchen and closed the door for the night. A short time later, he whimpered and scratched at the door.
I let him outside again. We were told he was trained to scratch at the door when he needs to go out. That may be true, but that's not what he was communicating. We tried 2 more times to put him outside our room for the night. He didn't like it. As I thought about it, I realized that dogs have emotions too. They feel fear, joy, happiness, defensiveness, protectiveness, and abandonment. I think Willie felt we had abandoned him again, and he couldn't take it.
Neither my wife nor I wanted the dog in the bed with us, but we were willing to have him in our room. I went and got his little bed and put it at the end of ours. He came in and was quiet. He still walked around a bit, his little nails knocking on our wood floors. He would scratch a little too, but eventually he was quiet. I still didn't sleep much that night. I realized that there was more to this than just having another animal in the house.
I'm used to waking up and just spending the first few minutes of the morning nuzzled next to my love. I realized that wouldn't be possible anymore. As I tossed and turned throughout the night, the reality of parenthood came more into focus. I like the idea of parenthood, but I'm in no way ready for it, nor want the responsibilities of it. I began to wonder how our evenings would be. There's an extra mouth that needs to be fed at particular times, and taken outside to do his business. And he needs ample attention. I'm fine with all that, but not prepared for it. The sudden change of our way of lifestyle was hitting me. I didn't want Willie to become a burden, not to me or Leilani. He's such a good dog, but I wondered all night if this was the right fit.
I managed to sleep in one hour increments and then toss and turn. At 7, I got up and took him out. I knew he'd be riled up when we came back in. Sure enough he was. I had to calm him down, pull more burs out of his coat, and feed him. Then I tried to spend some time with my wife before I got ready for the day. It wasn't the same, and I missed the old.
I got off work earlier than usual and went home to play with Willie. He greeted me at the door with jumps and joy. He was so cute. I let him out but he didn't want to pee, he wanted to play. So that's what we did. We had a lot of fun. I tried to get him to fetch his toy, but I don't think he liked fetching that particular one. I sat in the floor and we played more. Eventually though, he was content. I lay down to take a nap, and he walked over a few feet away and laid down. I missed Leilani. I know it seems weird, but not getting to spend time with her that morning made me really miss her all day. I thought how our relationship would be different now. It would be harder to just be close and alone. I hadn't thought of that part before.
Leilani came home early too and we played with our little friend. We also talked about him. I don't know if he could sense our discussion was about whether this was best for all of us, but he laid down at our feet and occassionally looked up at us longingly. I admitted that I was still processing this through. Leilani knew I really wanted a dog, and was willing to give me that even though she really didn't want one, not yet anyways. It was really meaningful to me that she'd put aside her own feelings and apprehensions for me.
Later we took Willie with us to Red Bud Park with Jesse. We went for a long walk, hoping to get him tired for sleep that night. It was a fun walk. Some people would pass and he'd keep walking, not really noticing or wanting to see them. But there were other people, usually older people or children and he would walk towards and seem to want to meet. But all I had to do was gently tug him back and tell him to come on, and he would, looking up at me like, "Okay, let's go!" It was a great walk. Somewhere on the walk, we came across a lady walking her Shitzu. She was a female, and of course Willie really wanted to see her. We talked with the lady while the dogs met. It was cute. The girl dog was 12 years old, a bit too old for Willie, who's just over 1 and not neutered.
We took him home and fed him and then went to eat with Jess at HSU. I knew we'd have to come back earlier and was still wondering if this was the right choice for us. In my heart I didn't think so, even though he's such a terrific dog. Leilani and I concurred. After we came back, we called Stephanie and asked to talk to her. She knew what it was, and said to just bring him home. We walked him over there. It was hard. On one hand, I like having him around. He's such a great little dog, so well-behaved, obedient and house broken. But on the other hand was all the responsibilities and other things involved, that I hadn't prepared for mentally. It worked out alright, because apparently the lady who had given Stephanie the dog was upset to learn that she had given him away. Apparently she really wanted him afterall. And Stephanie said she had missed him the night before too. So he's a well-loved dog.
This whole thing was interesting, difficult, and good all at the same time. Knowing that Willie had experienced living in 4 different places in a matter of a few weeks reminded me of my dad's childhood, bouncing around from relatives' houses until finally being adopted by his uncle. The last night, realizing that Willie felt abandoned in a house that loved him was hard for me. I didn't want him to feel that way. He wasn't abandoned. We offered to dog-sit or be available for play time any time. It was hard to say goodbye to him, even though he was only my dog for one day, a seemingly insignificant span of time in the grant scheme of things, but valuable to me all the same.
I learned a lot from that little guy in that one day. I learned that wanting something, but not being ready for it, doesn't mean you should have it. To my discredit, I wasn't ready to be a dad. I knew that having a pet is like training to be a parent because of everything involved. I wasn't ready to train to be a parent. I enjoy too much being with just my wife, with no distractions or other parties involved. I've gotten used to just us, and I realized that I hadn't thought much about how that would change. I need to be ready for that change before we bring an animal in the house. I learned that all living things have emotions, and they not only feel them, but express them. I knew this on a basic level, but animals experience loss and confusion too, and like people, sometimes they don't know how to handle it except that they be close to the people they trust. I'm glad that it only too a few moments for Willie to trust our hearts and know that he was safe. But I'm also glad that he expressed his fear to us, and spent that long night with us.
After we came back to the house last night, it was a relief. I still have to admit, that on some level, I do miss him. I miss his little face with is snaggle tooth. I miss playing with him. I guess that's why I enjoy being the fun uncle, shy of the responsibilities of parenthood. It's good to realize this now, before I'd gone out and picked up a stray or adopted one from the rescue center. I look forward to when we're both ready for pet-parenthood. But until then, I'm also happy about the time to come with just the two of us.